When I was a young mother, I was physically exhausted. I was sure that parenting would get easier as my son got older. But nobody told me that teens are way harder than babies to parent. You go from physically exhausted to emotionally exhausted. And there is so much drama! One kid is trying to make another look bad to make them look good. And as a parent, there is nothing you can do about the mess except try to support your kid.
Social stress
Recently I have spent a lot of time on my knees. I worry for my son. His autism makes social situations harder because he doesn’t always get social cues.
And the other teens aren’t old enough or experienced enough to express themselves well. They don’t deal well when social cues are missed. I watch kids at church as they try to fit in. There are a lot of kids on the autism spectrum in my congregation.
One girl I know well is struggling because she keeps giving another girl (who happens to be on the autism spectrum) hints that she needs space. She tries and tries until she has had it and snaps at the girl. The poor autistic girl never understood the hints and only saw the snapping and is devastated because she doesn’t know what she did wrong.
Online Influences
Because social situations are hard, my son has a lot of friends online. You have one less interactive tool when you are online, and sometimes that makes a big difference. It’s easier with less stimuli for a lot of kids on the spectrum. There is also more time to think about your responses, which reduces the stress of an interaction. My son is very social and is often searching out new online forums to find more friends. It stresses me out because online it is easy to hide who you are.
There is another serious concern because a lot of kids on the spectrum take things at face value. They don’t see the potential danger in online interactions. And some even think it is fun to do dangerous things. One group of kids my son knows love to doxx each other. (Doxxing is when you publish personal addresses online.)
We have worked hard to teach our son how to be safe online. He no longer shares information that he shouldn’t. But things are getting more complicated daily, and scammers are getting smarter. And I worry about his safety online.
I also worry because some would try to influence unsuspecting kids to try things that can hurt them. As a parent, you think to have the “don’t drink or do drugs” talk. But what about the “don’t inhale compressed air” talk? I never thought of that one. And I worry there are more I missed.
Parenting through Prayer
After a particularly trying week of teen drama and autism worries, I decided our family needed to be on the temple prayer roll. Every LDS temple has a Prayer Roll. It’s a list of people that temple patrons have a special concern for.
At every temple session (about one per hour), prayers are said for those on the prayer roll. They pray not only for that temple but for every temple around the world. It equates to millions of prayers being said on behalf of those on the temple prayer rolls. I have seen many miracles brought about by that intensity of prayer. If you have someone you would like to add to the Temple Prayer Roll, it’s open to all.
I had tried everything else and was still parenting blind. But within hours of placing our family on the Prayer Roll, I felt better. Life still had the same challenges, but I felt I could handle them better. And as I kept following my feelings, things started to work themselves out.
Therapy/ Parenting coach
We started family therapy, and that has been amazing. My husband and I see the therapist for parenting coaching. Parenting an autistic teen is nothing like a neurotypical teen. We have our son see the therapist too. He needs someone to confide in who isn’t his parents.
As a group, we are growing through some of our challenges. I highly recommend that you find a good therapist if you have an autistic child. Honestly, with how challenging parenting is in this world, I would suggest you get a good therapist no matter what.
I’ve started praying daily that my son will find good friends. I was impressed to encourage him to go to a Seminary class. It’s a class for teens that teaches them about the scriptures and God’s love for them.
My son’s teacher has a special gift for helping connect the scriptures to daily life. As he has gone to Seminary he is finding more peace in his life. I can see it on his face. He seems like he is having fun, and willingly continues to attend class.
Socializing
Soon after he decided to go to the Seminary, he wanted to attend church youth activities. He hadn’t previously gone to either one; avoiding church for years. He finds it stressful. As you can see, I was very concerned that he had limited his contact with the outside world. I know he wants friends but locking himself away wasn’t the way to find them. Now he has a much better chance of success.
I’m still praying daily. And I’ve decided to keep our family on the Prayer Roll till my son is out of the terrible teens. I call it parenting via the Prayer Roll. I never expected parenting a teen to be this hard. But with God’s help, I am muddling through. I am praying for clarity and understanding so I can anticipate his needs. With God’s help, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. My son is a great kid. And soon he will become a great man.
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