“Befriending,” an Action Word

“A friend loves at all times,” we read in Proverbs 17:17 (ESV). Certainly friends are to be highly valued, and not lightly or carelessly chosen. We choose to befriend, an action.

Friends and friendship are things—they exist. Friendly and friendlier are descriptive words—they are attached to other things. Befriending involves choice and effort.

Recognizing a Need

Years ago, at age 5 or 6, our daughter came to us with a young but sincere plea for help: “Mom, Dad, how can I get lots of friends?”

With her innocent petition, our daughter explained her desire to “be popular” and “have lots of friends.”  We listened intently to her youthful yearnings, and then we began our response with a wise suggestion that the parents of both of us had shared with us in our young lives. We smiled and encouraged, “Well dear, to have a friend, you have to be a friend.”

Befriending, an Action

We thoroughly believe that this well-worn advice expresses a timeless truth about the nature of meaningful relationships. This simple yet profound principle is emphasized in all our scriptures and in the words of modern apostles and Church leaders.

To be a friend requires awareness of what a friend does. A child must learn that grabbing someone roughly and demanding “be my friend” isn’t a good way to begin. A better way is to think about words, actions, and feelings that friends share. For example, kind words, suggestions to play together, offers to share.

Adults befriend similarly but in more mature applications. President Nelson teaches,

If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy” that we can say about another person—whether to his face or behind her back—that should be our standard of communication.

Adults have more resources to offer. They can be sensitive to people’s difficulties and needs–offering a listening ear, a helping hand, or a sincere loving prayer.

Proverbs 18:24 states that to have friends requires conducting oneself as a friend, remaining closer than a brother. Befriending, an action, is saying, doing, and offering as friends do.

We shared with our daughter these words of Jane Austen from her novel Northanger Abbey, “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” We would do well to pray for such a “nature.”

Living With Charity

The Book of Mormon prophet-king Benjamin spent his life leading and serving his people, working with his own hands to avoid taxing them. In his final address, he left them this counsel,  “I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17).

Benjamin was their devoted friend as well as their king. We refer to this kind of selfless service as charity, essential in creating and maintaining meaningful friendships. Serving others is serving God, and serving God enables us to develop God-like qualities as we befriend others and maintain lasting relationships with them.

Often defined as the pure love of Christ, charity is crucial in helping us form and sustain enduring friendships. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul emphasized the transformative power of charity, which is patient, kind, and selfless, an ideal in making befriending an action that creates deep and lasting connections.

In his closing words to his people, Moroni (7:47) quoted his father, Mormon: “Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him” (Moroni 7:47).

Loving as Jesus Does

Children may not be able to understand charity as adults understand and define it, but they can feel it in the love the Savior has for them. As can anyone at any age.

Susan Porter, Primary General President, addressed children at her most recent conference talk. “Our Heavenly Father loves you! You are His child. He knows you. He wants to bless you. I pray with all my heart that you will feel His love.”

She continued, “Because Heavenly Father has all power and knows all things, He can see all His children and can hear and answer every prayer. You can come to know for yourself that He is there and that He loves you,” adding, “You can help others come to know and love Jesus and Heavenly Father as you do.”

In an earlier talk, Sister Porter addressed adults with different applications and details, but with the same spirit and intent. “God’s love is not found in the circumstances of our lives but in His presence in our lives. We know of His love when we receive strength beyond our own and when His Spirit brings peace, comfort, and direction.”

Regardless of age or circumstances, we are in His heart and He wants to be in ours. He is the ultimate friend.

Perhaps we would all benefit from singing with the children:

Jesus is our loving friend.
He is always near.
He will guide us when we pray;
Every child is dear.

Every child and every adult of any age or circumstance is dear in the love and friendship of the Savior.