Kamala and My Niece
Saturday night, my niece and her partner spent about half a day with us as a stopover on the way to their next destination. When it was time for them to leave, the car wouldn’t start. Laura took the jumper cables out to help them, but it still wouldn’t start, which made me a little anxious. There are so many things that I can not do anymore, so I forced myself to stand in the window, and I resolved to stay out of the way.
To make a long story short, my niece has always been athletic, and she learned from her father (my brother) how to fix things and diagnose and analyze the issues. She kept a cool head, even though she was somewhat drenched in diesel fuel at one point and had to change clothes a couple of times. Eventually, she stepped into the living room and said, “I know what it is!” After a short trip to Walmart, she replaced the part, and they were soon on their way down the road.
Since my stroke, I have been less able to do physical things, but I was still tempted to help for all the wrong reasons. Parts of me even believed I “should” be helping. I have entered these situations and found myself doing more harm than good. My niece was the best person for the job, and it didn’t take long to realize it. She had plenty of help, and she was able to get them back on the road relatively quickly.
Last fall, we hosted an online conference where we enlisted only female voices to address trauma issues, especially in the church. Sometimes, we, as men, feel like we have earned something that is just a privilege that we have inherited. By default, organizations, churches, and countries will morph back into white, male leadership if we are not intentional about it. The patriarchy is pervasive, not because we white males are more qualified—the truth is, we are the most privileged, and it’s an honor that we have bestowed upon ourselves.
We see this clearly in the current presidential election, bringing me to my next point. While my niece was fixing her Jeep, all of us caught the news item for the day that Kamala Harris had been endorsed by Joe Biden when he decided to drop out of the presidential race. First of all, he did what few of us white males are willing to do—he willingly gave up his seat at an enormous table to a female person of color. As determined and strong as she is, she couldn’t wrestle it away from him without collateral damage, but he did what was noble and relinquished his privilege to empower someone else.
Too many pastors who have gone through deconstruction immediately go to work trying to build a new following. Through trial and error, I have learned to find the subtle satisfaction in helping enable others who don’t naturally have the privileges I enjoy. On our podcast, The Desert Sanctuary, we spend most of our time listening to the stories of survivors, many of whom are disadvantaged in some way by society and the church.
I have spent time promoting myself, and I have contributed to the patriarchal problems, but I am learning. And it is women, and queer people, and people of color that are teaching me.
Since Biden’s withdrawal went public on Sunday, ActBlue, a fundraising website, has raised over $100 million in just one day.
You can almost sense it in the air… It’s time…let’s go!
Karl Forehand
What Kind of Father is the Christian God?
Treasure Trove of Trauma Resources
Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He is married to his wife Laura of 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.
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