Surviving Discussions With The Politically Possessed

Tried discussing politics lately? It’s like stepping into a minefield covered with banana peels.

We’ve all encountered them – the politically possessed. They’re armed with conspiracy theories, drenched in partisan rhetoric, and ready to strike at any hint of dissent. So what do you do? Welcome to the age where every conversation is a high-stakes game of sanity and survival. Here’s a list of ways to keep it together in the face of mouth-breathers.

The Art of Patience

Snarky Tip: Find your happy place. Take a breath. Remember this conversation will pass. Visualize a future with your present lunacy in the past.

Patience is your first line of defense. When faced with the wild claims and fervent proclamations of the politically possessed, maintaining your cool is crucial. Imagine you’re a Zen monk, floating above the chaos. Remember, they thrive on reaction. So, starve them of that satisfaction. Instead, respond with calm, measured tones, as if you’re handling an angry toddler throwing a tantrum… except they’re someone else’s toddler and you can walk away.

Smile and Nod

Snarky Tip: Practice your best “I’m listening” face in the mirror. Wrinkle the brow, tilt, and nod the head. It helps if they think you’re listening.

There’s an art to smiling and nodding, and it’s your secret weapon. Perfect the poker face. This technique is a lifesaver at family gatherings and social events where nearby escape isn’t an option. Remember, you’re “marginally engrossed” in their ramblings. Just don’t seem too interested, or you’ll be stuck. Think of it as a balancing act of patience and restraint. Much like staring down a bear in the wild, you posture and enter the dangerous dance. Tread carefully.

Deflect and Redirect

Snarky Tip: Train to become the ultimate conversational ninja, where you’ll either swiftly steer the topic or dodge and find an offramp to exit. It may take years of blood and sweat, but it will keep you out of a few jams.

Sometimes the best way to handle a political diatribe is to steer the conversation elsewhere. Master the art of the subtle redirect. When Uncle Bob starts ranting about chemtrails or secret cabals, smoothly pivot the topic to something benign. “Speaking of crazy weather, did you see that adorable kitten video on YouTube?” It’s all about survival, folks. Keep the conversation light and inconsequential, and you’ll preserve your sanity.

Educate Lightly

Snarky Tip: Sprinkle facts like seasoning – just enough to flavor, not enough to overwhelm. If you’re too salty, you could ruin your conversational dish.

If you must inject some reality into the conversation, do it gently and sparingly. Think of yourself as a chef, delicately seasoning a dish. A dash of facts here, a sprinkle of logic there. Remember, just enough to add flavor without causing the whole thing to explode. Being too heavy-handed with the truth may trigger defensive reactions. Instead, introduce information subtly, like trying to explain to a flat-earther why we haven’t fallen off the edge yet.

Embrace the Absurd

Snarky Tip: Treat each conversation like a stand-up comedy show. Prepare for unruly crowds and hecklers.

When all else fails, embrace the absurdity. Sometimes, the best response is to laugh in the face of madness. Treat these conversations like a live comedy show – one where the jokes write themselves. Humor in the face of absurdity can be a powerful tool. It defuses tension and spotlights the ridiculousness without direct confrontation. Share a funny story or anecdote about a conversation that went off the rails, and suddenly, you’re not just surviving, you’re thriving.

The High Road is Less Crowded

Remember that navigating discussions with the politically possessed isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a necessary skill in today’s world. By mastering patience, a poker face, redirecting conversations, seasoning with facts, and laughing at the absurd, you can keep your sanity intact. Remember, the high road may be less crowded, but it’s a far more peaceful place to be.