The Far Side of the River

When I went to see my mother yesterday, I knew the end was near. I really felt that her spirit had already moved on, but the body mechanics were still in place.

In looking back over the last week or so, I had a lot of time to think while sitting with my mother. We didn’t share the same spirituality. She was a Roman Catholic, a European one, and a rather devout one. I, of course, am I pagan, and I am proud of the fact that we accepted each other’s spiritual choices.

I didn’t want my mother to suffer. And I did what I could – energetically – to make that happen. I did workings in her presence to alleviate discomfort and had to do so without her permission, but I think she would have approved. At least I like to believe so.

A Call to Manannan mac Lir

I called out yesterday to Manannan mac Lir, to help her in her transition. Of course, I didn’t expect or ask Manannan mac Lir to take her to my afterlife, but I asked him to help take her to “where she needed to be”. And, in the depths of my heart, I believe that he did just that.

I had some time to think about our paths, past, present, and future, and I realise that what makes a difference in those paths is context, presence, and direction. Context is all about what it is that we are doing together. Presence refers to the ability to be aware of where we are, within a given context. Direction concerns where do we go from here.

Since my mother had memory issues, so much of our past was stuck there – in the past. If people can share the context of an experience, it helps to keep that memory or that experience alive. My mother had certain markers that stood out in her memory, namely her parents. Her parents were a firm context and my mother’s recollection of them was rock solid, but the presence required was missing. Since my mother was aware that they had passed, the direction was missing entirely.

Context, presence, and direction

There were times – even recently – when my mother and I would talk, and it would be a heart-to-heart talk about what was important to my mother – being kind to others. My mother was genuine, and she prized genuine behavior in others. In these instances, context, presence, and direction were all there.

Other times were characterized by very immediate concerns, where the context was the here and now and the presence did not necessarily blend with the context. In these instances, we just spoke.

When my father was still alive, I talked to my parents every night. We had context, presence, and direction that was fed and nurtured by the constant conversations. When my father was gone, along with my mother’s failing memory, made conversations fewer and further between. Eventually, we would speak once a week on Fridays, via Facetime. It was nice to see and speak with her and see her at the same time, and vice versa.

Energy shift

As she began to fail, I felt a different shift in her energy levels. It felt like her energy was moving back into the Earth, draining slowly downwards. I felt that this “earth energy”, if I might call it that, was fundamentally different from her spiritual energy. Spiritual energy, I felt, would move in a different direction, perhaps “upwards” or “skywards”. I felt a subtle pull on my energy as well. Perhaps I was lending some of my mine to the work at hand.

While I sat there, asking Manannan mac Lir to help her, I realised, to the point of “direction”, that we would be going to different places from this point forward. While I would like to think that we all meet again, our afterlife expectations are markedly different. Perhaps there are common points at which we can reconnect. Perhaps not. I guess that time will tell.

I would like to think that my mother has a better understanding of some of the cosmological questions that we all ask ourselves from time to time. While the call of her passing came in at 3:10 this morning, I felt that her actual passing was several days ago. In any event, she is free now, on her way to the next world, unencumbered by the frailties of life and a body that was slowly passing away.

Je me souviens

My mother lived 98 years; 10 days short of her 99^th birthday. I am proud of the many worlds that she lived in, be it Europe or here in the Americas, and I pray that her reunion with family, friends, and loved ones of all forms, bring her joy and peace and closure.

I will remember our recent experiences, so very fresh in my mind, and those of the past, scattered over the continuum of years and so many events along the way. As an Ancestor, I trust that I will hear from her, from time to time, and that her wisdom and guidance, will be with me for the rest of my days,

I look to her as she journeys onwards, following the light and her new life. She may be guided by Manannan mac Lir, or whichever entity was chosen to be that light. With love and blessings, I look to her, from here where I stand, to the far side of the river.