The time for resolutions has come around again, but do the goals you are setting align with your true values? Many of us set standard goals for “self-improvement” without taking time to consider why that goal. This year, take time to examine your resolutions and what you are moving toward.
The history of New Year’s resolutions
New Year’s resolutions aren’t necessarily new. Celebrating the new year has been common among many ancient cultures. As far back as 4000 years ago, the Babylonians celebrated the new year at the spring equinox. This was a time of establishment and re-establishment, resolutions in a sense of commitment and confirmation. New kings were crowned, loyalties were pledged, and individuals would commit to paying their debts and returning borrowed equipment. This promoted a society where individuals have a responsibility to each other.
When the Julian calendar was established, January became the start of the year for the Romans. The month was named after Janus, the two-faced god of passages among other things. This was a time of reflecting on the behavior of the past and offering sacrifices to commit to better behavior moving forward. This resembles modern resolutions self-improvement in the form of more moral behavior in the eyes of the gods. As Candida Moss, professor of theology at the University of Birmingham, states, “it’s a kind of supernatural spring cleaning.”
Modern religious resolutions
Religious folks in the modern day still observe the New Year in a religious context. Rosh Hashanah (or the “Jewish New Year”) is a time of reflection and self-examination. It is a time of reflecting on the past year, repentance to God, and commitment to move forward and do better. Jewish folks might make “resolutions” of a kind during this time. One Jewish person, Debbie Sann, describes the difference between these resolutions and New Year’s resolutions which she also makes. While her Rosh Hashanah resolutions are “about being a better person” her New Year’s resolutions are more similar to common secular resolutions, like being more organized.
Many may recognize a kind of resolution in “giving something up” for Lent. Non-practicing Christians sometimes take Lent as a time to make changes. These are often things people feel guilty about, or that are “bad” for them, like eating too much chocolate or overusing social media. As a Christian season, this makes a kind of sense; it is in some ways related to penance, and acknowledgment of a behavior you do not like in yourself and want to change. It dedicates this change to God, theoretically.
But one must acknowledge often this season is used more as a psychological, timebound motivator for self-improvement that does not look to the spiritual realm. A fasting season is meant to bring us closer to God. During Lent, this is especially about suffering alongside Jesus in His own human suffering. It is a deep, empathetic connection with God and a time that strips us down to bare bones to truly reflect on ourselves in relation to God.
What is a values audit and how can it help you?
New Year’s resolutions on January 1st in the modern area are less religiously toned. A framework of deep reflection and meaningful change can guide us in setting deeper goals that help turn us into who we want to be and provide focus for our actions, energy, and time. To focus this way, we need to consciously know our core values. One thing that can help with this is a values audit.
Despite the ick the phrase “audit” gives me, it can be a useful exercise that could be helpful to do regularly, as we discover and refine our values over time. Especially during lockdown, many of us spent a long time under pressure and experiencing radical upheaval. These events can make it difficult to reflect. But times of major change suspend the world as we know it and offer a new perspective. These times of rupture can help us identify who we are outside of the box we usually live in.
In clinical settings, values audits or clarifications can improve outcomes. Living by our values comes naturally to us, but we can form habits that go against them. Clarifying and then living by our values helps us with difficult choices, relieves anxiety, and promotes hope for the future. Reflecting on your past year for choices that you are happy with and choices you regret are two great places to begin. Compassionately ask yourself what exactly you are dissatisfied with about a choice, or what exactly you are proud of or happy about with a choice, then ask yourself what the associated value may be. Do you feel guilty about a big lie because it was hurtful and you value kindness or because you principally value honesty?
One great worksheet provides a list of potential values that you can rank. This can be a great starting point and inspire you to discover other unlisted values that are important to you.
Achieving your goals without toxicity
In a society that values productivity and endless self-improvement that looks more like self-optimization–and often in the mechanical way that word suggests–it is important to look over our resolutions and the steps we are taking to get there with an anti-capitalist perspective. To avoid this, take a look at your resolutions with a curious but discerning eye. Ask yourself: “What values does this goal represent?” Is it truly reflective of who you are and who you want to be? Or is it something you think you “should” do? What is your motivation? Goals that are not grounded in your core beliefs and motivations will be stressful and potentially impossible to accomplish.
We live in a connected world. Every day on social media we see everyone’s life refined to what we want to show. We see friends and influencers alike participate and promote the capitalist hell of grind culture while seemingly never taking a break without burning out. Even our favorite lefties pay up to an algorithm that requires constant labor. These people fall to creative and activist burnout. Burnout can render us literally unable to work without severe physical and mental health consequences that can ultimately be deadly.
The necessity for self-compassion
You cannot be shamed into your resolutions, you can not drive yourself on shame. You must move forward with a desire to do better in your heart, not a desire to be perfect, and not by berating yourself for not living up to them at all times. Ask yourself why you are ashamed. Change your environment, remove shaming influences, and swap them for influences that promote reflection and action.
If your shame is in a failure to align with your own values, maybe values you find a moral imperative to act out, you can ground yourself in a desire to align with your values rather than a desire to not be a bad person. If you hold these values, that is the truth, that is your desire, that is who you want to be. Become that person rather than eliminate what you were. You cannot help someone you do not believe in and you cannot help yourself when you are your own enemy.
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