If I reflect on the last 50 years and where I experienced the harshest judgment, two places come to mind. The corporate world and, surprisingly, the church. Truth is, the church hurts run far deeper than the corporate criticism behind my back.
Am I here to vent about church flaws? Of course not. However, I think it’s time to expose the truth about the damage instead of walking away from our congregations for good. Forgiveness is key and I will cover that later in this piece.
The Perfect Church
Do I expect perfection in churches? That would be insane considering that all churches are filled with flawed humans. Still, we can expect continuous improvement instead of walking away from the congregations we love.
If you live on the planet long enough and attend churches regularly, your odds of experiencing a church hurt are high. What is a church hurt?
Church Hurts Defined
I’m sure there are many definitions. Here’s mine.
When Mildred from the ladies’ group says your dress is ugly, I don’t consider that a church hurt. Mildred is an individual expressing her impoliteness and lack of maturity. Those silly comments should slide off our back like Teflon if we are secure in the Lord’s strength.
Instead, I’m talking about judgments and thoughtless behavior by church pastors or team members who represent the church. I’ll share a few of mine.
Examples of Church Hurts
Almost 30-years ago, I was a bride to be. Naturally, I wanted to be married in the Methodist church where I grew up. The place where I created plaster turkeys from my hand mold and sang Jesus Loves Me. Unfortunately, the church leadership said no because my husband was previously married and divorced. Can you imagine that today? If they had consistently upheld their rule, I would have accepted and respected their decision.
The outcome is sad. We didn’t experience a church wedding, and bitterness took root towards distrusting church leaders. I don’t excuse my response, but I didn’t have a firm foundation of faith or a close relationship with God. Christian maturity and forgiveness came years later.
Another example involved a Catholic priest who I sought for guidance about a difficult situation. First, he couldn’t get beyond a non-Catholic seeking his help. Once he agreed to hear my question, he was quick to point out my issue, but didn’t offer any support or guidance. His demeanor was arrogant and condemning. He was right, but I left his office feeling worse about my situation and my future. My distrust towards church leaders thickened.
To keep an even playing field, plenty of church hurts happen in all denominations and non-denominations.
Pastors Who Criticize Ministry
I’ve come across a rather odd theme in my ministry work among the non-denominational bunch. I listen to pastors preach about our role in sharing the gospel, giving our testimonies, and serving the Lord. When I started my formal ministry, the backlash of accusations of “people like me” seeking self-promotion shocked me.
The same pastors who encourage us to get out there and serve the Lord are mocking those who are brave enough to step out of the norm and share their testimonies publicly. I can’t pretend to understand their logic, but I know it’s hurtful, not to mention intimidating. For me, I trust in the Lord and I don’t rely on humans to guide my path.
But what about those who aren’t? We need encouragement and support from our church leaders, not criticism about how God leads us to serve. My heart goes out to those who lack confidence, and the judgment discouraging them towards quitting. Perhaps this is you?
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Plenty of Hope
If you relate to any of these examples or have your own, I want to encourage you to forgive the people and the situations and pursue God. If you consistently experience church hurts at the leadership level, consider praying for God to guide your decision to stay or find a new church home.
Among all the church hurts, there are plenty of excellent church leaders and congregations to attend. It might take a while, but if you pray and seek a closer relationship with God, the church happenings are less important. Plus, God will guide you to the right place.
How to Overcome Church Hurts
- Forgive. Like any situation in life, we must forgive those who hurt us. Forgiveness doesn’t justify the action, but it sets us free from the turmoil and to love more deeply.
- Confront the issue. For those who love their church and have faith in resolving the issue, it might be worth discussing it with church leaders. Sometimes, it’s a misunderstanding, and the outcome doesn’t require leaving the church family you know and love.
- Spiritual Growth. The most powerful antidote to church hurts is to keep growing closer to God. By building your faith in the Lord and leaning on His strength, facing trials in life become more manageable. The sting from human inflictions weakens.
A Note to Pastors
You have a flock that’s listening, watching, and taking action based on your words. Encourage your congregation. We need your support, not coddling, but genuine loving care. When we step out to share our testimony or proclaim our devotion to God, it’s a big deal.
The mission to serve God should never be mocked or trampled upon. You are not walking in the believer’s shoes and you don’t know everything he or she is doing beyond their social media platform. Be willing to cheer on the work of others. Collectively, we are the body of Christ and you represent us. We should be on the same team.
Conclusion
Church hurts are real and painful. I want to acknowledge yours today. If you need help to overcome your church hurt, reach out to your pastor, church group, or me. I’m here to listen and will offer encouragement for your walk with the Lord. Spiritual growth Christian coaching is also available.
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