How to Create an Environment of Intimacy as a Team

What is a Team?

Many of us would not think of the term intimacy when we talk about teams.  When we think of the term intimacy, we are thinking about those with whom we are in a romantic relationship or a friendship at a minimum.  However, if we think about what the purpose of a team is, we would do well to consider how we can develop intimacy even with our working and serving teams.  According to Management Study Guide, a team is defined as “a group of individuals, all working together for a common purpose.  The individuals comprising a team ideally should have common goals, common objectives and more or less think on the same lines”. 

Unfortunately, in our production focused culture, we fail to see those on our teams as people.  We see them more as a means to an end to get results rather than people with whom we should build relationships.  The people on our teams come from various walks of life, have different experiences and life happens to each of them.  All of this makes up who they are.  For us to work well together, we must be intentional to get to know those with whom we work and serve.

A Lesson in Team Based Intimacy

Recently we celebrated Transfiguration Sunday.  It is the Sunday in the Christian Church in which we remember Jesus revealing himself – the divine self – on the mountain.  Jesus was intentional in whom he invited to be a part of this momentous occasion.  He was intentional in where he revealed himself.  He was purposeful in making sure they understood the sanctity of the revelation.

Peter, James, and John were given the privilege to be invited on a special trip with Jesus for this moment.  They were invited to join him away from the crowds and away from their fellow teammates.  Mark 9:2 says “Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up on a high mountain apart, by themselves.  And he was transfigured before them.”  While everyone else has witnessed Jesus’ humanity, these three would have the distinct honor to witness Jesus’ divinity.

What a tragedy to walk with someone but really have no idea who they really are.  You may have seen what they are capable of. You may even have up close and personal access to them, but do you really know who they are?  Do our teams know who we are? For relationship to be real, even on a team, it requires a certain level of intimacy.  Intimacy is defined as “a feeling of closeness and connection in an interpersonal relationship”.  It requires bonding at various levels. Though Jesus had twelve who he had been called and chosen to walk with him on this journey of ministry, Jesus invites three of the twelve to accompany him up on a high mountain – away from the crowd, away from the group/team.

Two Types of Intimacy

In this special moment, Jesus demonstrates for us two forms of intimacy we should implement with our teams:

Emotional Intimacy:  Emotional intimacy is when you are able to share the deepest parts of you with others.  They were able to see Jesus as he really was. Jesus was able to reveal himself to these three.

Experiential Intimacy:  They were also able to have experiential intimacy with Jesus and each other.  Experiential intimacy is shared experiences, spending time together.  In this place, Jesus has pulled them away from the crowd and their team.  Only the three of them would be able to talk about this experience with each other and with Jesus.

If we want to have stronger, healthier, and more effective teams, we should make building intimacy a priority.  Suzann Panch Robins, author of Exploring Intimacy: Cultivating Healthy Relationships through Insight and Intuition says, “Whenever people are working together as a team, the more they can know about each others’ needs, desires and goals, the more productive they can be.”

How to Build Intimacy with a Team

How can we as leaders be more intentional to foster an environment of intimacy with our teams?

1. Be Vulnerable: People respond to the actions of the leaders. If we want people to feel safe to share, we must be willing to demonstrate vulnerability before them. We must remove the invisible wall and allow people to see and get to know us.
2. Create Safe Spaces: We must create environments where people feel safe to share their thoughts, ideas, struggles and personality without fear of being ridiculed, shamed, or made to feel inferior.
3. Be Curious: People share when they feel others are interested. Rather than be focused on the work, we must be interested in who our teammates and colleagues are as people.  We must move beyond superficial conversations and interactions, learn to listen, and truly see them.

The list above is only the beginning of creating a workplace, ministry, or environment of intimacy.  It is an intentional activity that will take time to develop.  To begin the process, we must see the value in having such an environment.  We must commit, along with our team, to the work and make it a lifestyle for the betterment of our team environment.