Whatever is Lovely… Guarded an Anxious Pre-Thanksgiving

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4:6-8 (NIV) (bold mine)

This year – 2023 – was my 1st Thanksgiving celebrating as a Christian. There were a lot of things that were the same as all the years before – for example, we still had a “kids’ table” at my husband’s son’s house. And there was a lot that was very different – I mean, the kids at the kids’ table were a lot taller.

I’d like to think about the deeper differences of this Thanksgiving in the context of Apostle Paul’s how-to advice to “not be anxious about anything.” Because I got clobbered with a ton of shockingly intense anxiety in the days before turkey day. I actually got to the point of fearing for my life and the lives of my teenage sons.

Would I be able to practice what I’ve been writing? Could I possibly “not be anxious” when the anxiety was so deeply frightening? How could this level of anxiety be replaced with any sense of peace – just by thinking about “such things” as “whatever is lovely”?

An extremely anxious pre-thanksgiving

Basically, The Satan turned up the heat on 2 long-standing, simmering situations. And they quickly morphed into cunning weapons that slammed me back into my pre-Christ, pre-salvation ways of thinking.

1. Two days before Thanksgiving, my son from my 1st marriage turned 28. He didn’t answer my texts or phone calls – for the 4th year in a row.
2. Two weeks before Thanksgiving, I found out my husband’s ex-wife would be there – and we would be face-to-face for the 1st time in 25 years.

I have a gut feeling the above sentences are self-explanatory in their capacity for producing extreme flares of anxiety. But so you know just how bad it got, here’s what specifically happened when I suddenly was not strong enough to withstand The Satan’s mental and emotional attacks.

1. Despite months of prayers to somehow re-establish a connection with my estranged son, the sadness overtook me. I suddenly didn’t know what to do in the face of his silence on his actual birthday. I actually felt that God had forsaken me on this one. And that feeling was terribly dark and overwhelming.
2. I knew in my head I would someday have to obey God’s desire for me to reconcile with my ex-husband’s wife. After all, I had been “the other woman,” “the adulteress.” But I didn’t foresee how easily The Satan would plant and grow my fears that she might take her revenge on me or my boys. Seriously, the “poisoned food scenario” played itself out waaay too many times.

My feeble requests to God

First, I’m thankful that the Holy Spirit made me aware of what was happening with each situation. I prayed so hard. First, I admitted that I was completely incapable of overcoming this level of anxiety of my own power. Then I begged, “Help!”

Quite literally, I lived out “… in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” And here are the specifics, so you can learn from my humble process:

1. I asked my Life Group from my church for prayers over me and my son. Not prayers for some miraculous reconciliation. Simply prayers for peace.

Now, this was harder for me than it sounds. Because I felt the need to fill everyone in on the backstory that I was an adulteress. And I’d never done that anywhere, to anyone except God Himself.

And you know what was miraculous? One of my Life Group Brothers, a young man younger than my estranged son, reminded me that my identity was now in Christ – and He had already made me white as snow.

      2. I used this healing reminder as my anchor.

And from this solid rock of a place – from Christ Jesus – I prayed for help in shielding The Satan’s attacks to my imagination.

Plus, full reveal: I also prayed for acceptance of death from this earth if my husband’s ex really did poison me… or if I died in a Thanksgiving day car crash or passed from a heart attack in my sleep.

How my heart and mind were guarded in lovely ways

If you knew my pre-Christ internal landscape that way I experienced it in my mind and my heart, you would know that it was a vividly scary, suspicious, distrustful place. My mind was perpetually running at 100 mph from imagined death threats and disasters from all sorts of directions.

And if you could somehow know my in-Christ internal landscape, you would know how vividly lush, creative, appreciative – and notably fear-free – it has become. Quite simply, it’s been a lovely place to inhabit inside.

So, for me to return to the previous internal landscape was not just scary in-and-of itself. I was more terrified that I had made some grave error and lost Christ – and The Satan had re-established himself there.

I am so thankful this is not true – and that this will never be true. I’m also thankful for the test. Because now I know the extreme power of prayer – both my own and those of others over me.

1. I haven’t (yet) heard from my son. Yet I somehow, inexplicably, feel “the peace of God.” I fully trust that God has a path for me with regards to my son – and a path for my son with regards to me. And no matter what that is… I’m good with it. I’ll still pray, ask for prayers, and listen to the Holy Spirit for action whenever it is time to take it. But I’m good with it – and it is lovely.
2. My husband’s ex-wife and I shared the warmest hug I had never imagined possible. I said a last-moment prayer to fill me with light, salt, and love as I walked to the door to greet her, and the Holy Spirit urged me to hold her longer. I felt a wave of Jesus’ love wash through me and into her, and she said, “That’s the best hug.” Underneath my tears, I knew this was lovely.

Whatever was lovely for you this Thanksgiving?

Whether you’re in-Christ or not, searching or found, feeling anxious or at peace – wherever you are on your journey today, I have a question for you to ponder:

What were 2 things that ended up being lovely for you this Thanksgiving – especially if they didn’t start out that way?

Please do pray over these 2 things. And feel free to ask for others, including me if you like, to pray over you!

I pray that the peace of God, which truly does transcend all understanding, will guard your mind and your heart as we continue post-Thanksgiving.