Where Was I?

We all have moments when you start a story or task, get distracted, pause and say, “Where was I?”  Those moments get more frequent with age.

It’s a Terrible Thing to Lose One’s Mind

Some people remember that verbal stumble by Dan Quayle.  it’s worth recalling in this fraught political moment about Joe Biden.  Because losing your train of thought or misquoting something is not in itself a sign of decline and senility.

What has this to do with Pilgrim Life, though?

Getting lost or confused happens to all who take up the pilgrim staff, regardless of age.  Pilgrims expect it.  We even look forward to it, as those occasions often become the most memorable.

Gothic Rome Lives

When I first went to Rome in 1997 it was a blizzard of churches and ruins that ran together.  But one evening, strolling near the old Ghetto, I turned the wrong way and found myself facing a different baroque church portico bathed in the yellow light of street lamps, with a dozen or more goth youth draped over the steps.  They looked at me with mild curiosity, as if thinking, “How did he get here?”  That moment stands out more vividly than many almost 30 years later.

Where Was I?

Talking about losing your train of thought.  And that story was an example.  These come more frequently with age because we have more memories clamoring to be recalled.  One reminds me of another, often years and continents apart.  Like a library catalogue, they get cross referenced in my subconscious.  A sight, a sound, a smell especially, summons a different memory and for a split second I am in two places – present and past.

Where Am I?

Right now in Grand Rapids, but engaged with both past and future.  The future is my next stage along the Via Francigena which is three months away.  That is not a long time.

The past is rewriting my account of walking from Selma to Montgomery in the autumn of 2019, something I wish to publish this summer.  When I do this the journey comes back to me, as I remember a detail left out of the current manuscript, which in turn reminds of another moment, and so it goes.

I am Everywhere and Nowhere

That sounds rather mystical, and in a sense it is.  That’s what makes those moments powerful.  But it is also disconcerting, as George Simenon noticed.

The mind can waft back and forth between past and present and future, between Michigan and Alabama and Italy and France, and even South Africa.

In a sense it is like cannabis, which chemically alters the sense of time and place.  I used some when it became legal again, remembering (ah, those memories!) what I felt as a teenager.  But legal cannabis in edible form is way more potent and I was so affected that there was nothing I could do or think.

Be Present

In the end, then, being present in the present, being where you are and knowing it, is best.  That could be along a trail in France, or at a desk writing about a walk through Alabama, but to be a pilgrim means being present to where and when you are.

The irony is that sometimes you have to get lost to know you were not lost.