The best apology is changed behavior. At least that’s what I tell my kids. I know it’s trite and reductive, but it’s not untrue. For the last few years, I’ve been somewhat obsessed with apologies. I’ve been dissecting and ruminating on them in ways I hadn’t given much thought to before. I’ve been reflecting upon apologies in the context of relational trauma, loss of friendships and community, leadership errors, shared mistakes, and the part I played in... Read more
Mother’s Day season is upon us, friends. If your reality is anything like mine, the next few days will be awash in flowers, mother’s day memes, flowery sentiments filled with gratitude, well positioned family pics and a whole host of other things that remind us that celebrating mom is a big industry deal. I could go on and on about how significant, amazing, undervalued, immensely under-appreciated and overwhelmingly underpaid we are, but I don’t have to because you already... Read more
I’ve been told I’m not supposed to, but I hold a deep and fond appreciation for the wilder and more reckless choices I made growing up. Admittedly, I had a preference for things that were exciting, fun, and reasonably risky with an adrenaline inspiring component. There is something magical about being young and not having any sense of your mortality. One of the things I often wax nostalgically over is bridge jumping. My friends and I would drive... Read more
This Thursday, Kelly Thomas would have turned 44. July will mark 7 years since he was murdered. When the news of Kelly Thomas’ murder broke, it hit like a tidal wave in my little OC town of Fullerton. I remember it well because it was my birthday and I was having coffee with a friend in downtown Fullerton. When she told me what had happened, news was just starting to leak to the press. We were walking distance from... Read more
Sometimes we wake up and realize that the little things aren’t really little at all. As the end of my marriage drew closer, one of the things my kids asked was if I was going to keep their last name. Their father’s last name. The name I’d wrapped around me, embraced, taken on as mine … The one that took me on. There was something deeply symbolic in them not wanting me to disconnect from it too soon. It was... Read more
For those of you who may have been following and didn’t know, SESTA/FOSTA passed it’s Congressional vote yesterday and is on it’s way to Trump’s desk for a final signature. It’s pretty much inevitable at this point unless an act of God or a tornado of rabid sharks hits the Oval Office first. I’m gutted in a way that words just can’t express … I truly can’t find words yet and I’m realizing that so many don’t understand why this... Read more
I can’t tell if I’m afraid of failing or afraid of succeeding. I’m intimately familiar with both and, because they have sometimes looked similar, I’m not sure what’s scarier. There have been times when I’m not sure which is worse. The last few years have led me down a long road through divorce and more accompanying losses than I care to remember on most days, but I’ve managed to limp “successfully” through them and have come out the other side.... Read more
Grey Matters
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