Call me a crabby, bitter spinster, but a new trend has been popping up over the last few Olympics cycles and I hate it. Just plug “woman gets engaged at the Olympics” into your favorite search engine and a plethora of stories will pop up. Seeing these stories always sets my teeth on edge.
At this Summer Games alone, a Chinese badminton player won the gold and then was surprised with a gold ring for her finger. Two French sailors had no sooner won the bronze when their significant others presented them with gold. In that story, one of the charming beaux apparently told his lady love that he would only present her with a ring if she won a gold or silver… so she thought she wasn’t going to get a ring after all. And, elsewhere in the Olympic village, days before the opening ceremony, two Argentinian athletes became engaged in front of the cameras.
The engagements inspire a lot of chatter on social media. Sentimental types gush over how sweet it is to see lovebirds pledge their troth on a world stage. Others are not so charmed. Questions are raised about why the man—invariably a man—pops up during a moment when all attention is focused on his girlfriend and drops to one knee to present her with a ring. Why is he distracting attention from her accomplishment? Why can’t he wait for some other moment, outside the public eye?
Freedom to choose?
And, not so by the way, is a woman truly free to say “no” when she is being presented with an engagement ring on global television? In the Catholic marriage tradition, questions about the partners’ freedom to consent to marriage can constitute grounds for an annulment.
I can honestly say that I don’t care if the newly-engaged couples are happy, or if the female partner didn’t feel objectified (by being “claimed” as a prize for the conquering dude putting a ring on her finger) or unduly pressured to say yes. There is so much potential for vulnerable individuals to be pressured into accepting a marriage proposal they might otherwise reject that tolerance of this practice can contribute to creating an unsafe environment for everyone.
Let’s imagine a scenario. You’ve just realized your lifelong dream of winning an Olympic medal. You’ve walked off the podium, medal around your neck and approach the media scrum to answer the questions of journalists from around the world. There you see a man you’ve been avoiding lately. You haven’t entirely broken things off with him, focused instead on getting ready for the most important event of your life (so far). Perhaps you’d decided to wait until after the Games to have the hard conversation.
He’s holding flowers, you note, panic rising. Suddenly he drops to one knee and thumbs open a small velvet box. Oohs and aahs fill the air as cameras click and whir. This little tableau is being seen by sports fans around the world. Not to mention your family, friends, and all of the potential sponsors lining up to offer you money now that you’ve won an Olympic medal.
What do you do? You don’t want to marry this guy. You were going to have that hard conversation with him once the Games were behind you and you had a well-earned break from training. But how can you humiliate him in front of the cameras? Even if you have no flying ducks to give for his embarrassment, turning him down could cost you everything you’ve worked for if the world decides to cancel you for breaking his heart.
Do you plaster on a smile and accept? If so, when do you get to break up with him? Too soon after the Games and you’ll be criticized for insincerity. Why didn’t she just say no in the first place, the social media commentariat will demand. Too close to the wedding and you’ll be criticized for leaving him at the altar. It’s a no-win situation.
A possible solution
If I were Queen of the International Olympic Committee, I’d crack down on these proposals so hard that there’d be gold flying everywhere. I would wave my scepter and any athlete proposing marriage or accepting marriage at official Olympic venues during the Games, Summer or Winter, would be disqualified and sent home from the Games. Any medals that had been granted would be revoked. (Nota bene: I said anyone “proposing” or “accepting” marriage. Someone who is merely the target of an unsolicited proposal wouldn’t be penalized, and the athlete in such a situation now has a non-personal reason for saying no—that being that she wants to keep her medals.)
Does that sound harsh? Well, I have no problem with harsh in this context, and I suspect that harsh is the only protocol that will work to ensure that lovebirds find a private room, far away from the cameras, for pledging their troth.
(Image: Olympic rings on the Eiffel Tower, Paris 2024. Wikimedia Commons, used with license.)
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