Rejoice | Even in Our Tears

God has a way of helping us rejoice, even in our tears.

But then I recall all you have done,
O Lord;…
Psalm 77.11.a

This verse is the hinge on which Psalm 77 swings. This Psalmist is contemplating terrible things. Then he begins to recall what the Lord has done. This changes the nature of the rest of the song.

I wasn’t planning to write about my son, neither last week nor this week. However, it seems proper to do so. He visited and spent 2 1/2 weeks with me. As many of my readers have deduced, I am in a transitional phase of life. Therefore, my time with my son was some of the most priceless moments I’ve had in years.

One moment happened in the car on our last night in Missouri. We left my apartment, and I nearly lost it as I shut and locked the door. I realized this would be the last time he would be in my apartment for a while. I had wanted it to be like a second home for him. Unfortunately, my sister stole that designation away from me when she had my son over to spend time with her son. She told him she wanted her house to be like a second home for him. So hopefully mine is right up there as a second home or third home. He certainly felt comfortable in my apartment, and made himself at home.

After locking the door and nearly crying, we made our way to the car, got in, and started the drive to my parents’ house. We were going to leave from my parents’ house early the next morning to return to Virginia.

It was silent. It was dark. My son wasn’t saying anything. I knew that anything I would say would unleash tears. Finally, while he was looking out his window, I managed to say:

“Thank you for spending time with me in my apartment.”

Hot tears started streaming down my cheeks. I kept my eyes on the road, crying and sniffling. He turned from looking out the window and saw that I was crying. It dawned on him that he would not be in my apartment again for quite a while. He started crying as well.

I would say we held hands and cried the rest of the way to my parents’ house. But it wasn’t quite like that. We grasped for each other’s hand, and held on.

I am in tears now as I write this.

When I think of all the things the Lord has done for me…

• spending time with my family in Michigan
• spending nearly 3 weeks with my son this month
• seeing family in Virginia

I cannot thank the Lord enough.

Certain moments burn an everlasting impression into the spirit. Locking the apartment door, walking to the car, getting in with my son, starting the drive, and being vulnerable enough to cry in front of my son is one of those moments. He responded in like manor, and we held onto each other for the remainder of the ride. I will never forget the joy mixed with sorrow, the gratefulness I had for all that we had experienced, mixed with the prayerful longing for more time.

But then I recall all you have done,
O Lord;…
Psalm 77.11.a

To read Rejoice | Reflections on Vacation CLICK