For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
To forgive the incessant provocations of daily life – to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son – how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night, ‘Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what he says.
C.S. Lewis
I believe that God brings courageous women across my path so that I can see firsthand what true selflessness, Christ-honoring servanthood, and miracles in the making look like up close and personal. And, He has done it over and over and over. In just the past few years, I’ve listened to women tell me how they have had to take custody of their grandchildren because their adult child couldn’t stay clean, stay sober, stay employed, stay out of casinos, or stay focused long enough to even remotely create a safe home for the children.
Forgiveness can be costly
My friends have gone through the long and painful process of multiple court hearings where they have had to retell and rehash the horrendous details of neglect, abuse, and child endangerment in front of a judge and a room full of strangers. Again and again and again. Sadly, not all public servants are even remotely gracious to the grandparents who are stepping in to take over for their negligent adult children. Rather, they have been subject to verbal abuse, threats, and unwarranted aggression…simply for wanting what is best for the grandchildren.
Love means stepping up and stepping in
Yet step up and step in they continue to do. Some of these grandparents have to take even more drastic measure to protect their grands…. they are forced to file restraining orders and live in a constant state of offensive-alertness aware that their troubled adult children may attempt to kidnap their grandchildren. Others have adopted their grandchildren and are revisiting all the earlier-in-life parental decisions they never dreamed they would have to face again. Such parental considerations as: What school should their grandchildren attend? Sports? Clubs? Hobbies? Church functions? Choosing doctors, dentists, and more health related issues must be decided and revisited. Yes, these grandparents take on parenting some twenty years past their prime and they do so with amazing stamina and grit. All for the love of their grandchildren.
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Of the countless conversations I’ve had with my friends who have taken over raising their grandchildren, one constant rises to the top of the list of many specific responses, “It is so hard to work through this granting of forgiveness when we are paying the high price for our adult child’s poor choices in life.” Forgiveness. Since the whole painful scenario of raising one’s grandchildren has arisen because of the adult child’s lack of ability to do so…blame can fast track itself into grandparents’ hearts and minds. Grandparents struggle hard to keep their hearts and minds free of resentment and bitterness when they become the ones paying the price (and a heavy one it is) for their child’s irresponsibility in life.
We are set free when we choose to forgive
This negativity can swiftly take on a life of its own after grandparents who have been caring for their grandchildren start to discover more and more emotional fallout as time presses on. The grandchildren are frequently emotionally broken, spiritually bereft, physically sick and more. Grandparents observe a rising tide of problems to overcome and are justifiably angry at their adult child’s choices.
God gives us the supernatural grace to let go of offenses
What these grandparents tell me though is worth its weight in gold. They say, “Until I asked God for the grace and the desire to forgive…I felt as trapped and undone as my neglectful adult child.” Forgiveness. It’s a daily choice we all have to make and will always continue to repeat. No matter what my life circumstances, God’s Word instructs me to forgive so that I will be forgiven. Take hold of this word picture for forgiven: I’m only free of the pain you’ve inflicted upon me (or someone I love) after I’ve forgiven you. Lord, help us all get free, live free, and stay free. Amen.
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