The Bible is very clear about the gift of friendship. You do not have to walk alone in this world, and godly friends will enhance your faith. However, finding friends is not always easy. In this article, I will share a friendship prayer and the qualities of a good friend.
In my life, I have had seasons where I had many friends and seasons where I had no friends. But one thing has remained consistent: my desire to form lasting friendships.
Growing up, I moved twice, and while I lived in three different states, I seemed to form new friendships often. The only problem with moving so much is that I never had the opportunity to have friends that lasted through every stage of my life.
Friendships have always been seasonal for me, and I would be a little jealous of those who have had the blessing of having a friend that has grown with them throughout the years.
“Beloved, let’s love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves has been born of God, and knows God.” – 1 John 4:7 (WEB)
However, moving wasn’t the only thing keeping me from those kinds of friendships; major life changes have also posed challenges for me in the friendship department. What used to be fun shared experiences before I had kids weren’t so fun once I got pregnant. When I became a Christian, it was difficult to have healthy friendships with those who didn’t understand my new faith in God.
Friendships have always been an area of my life where I felt I needed to grow and improve. Over the years, my definition of friendship has changed. I remember realizing I get to define friendship and choose who I am friends with, which was a huge revelation to me.
While some friendships are not always the best to keep around, others in my life have different levels of connection and purpose. I have learned while I can’t control what another person does, I can:
- Define what a friendship is for me.
- Choose who I am friends with.
- Be intentional and show up in the relationships I want to invest in.
“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.” ― C.S. Lewis
Not All Friendships Are Created Equal
The bonds of friendship can endure forever, or they can quickly take you off course from the path you feel God is leading you on. For me, having a lot of friends is not my goal. However, that has not always been the case. Not all friendships are created equal, and having many friends is not always God’s best for my life.
“A man of many companions may be ruined, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24 (WEB)
You must remember you are on a spiritual journey that requires staying connected to God first and foremost. Who you choose to be friends with will significantly impact the direction of your life. When you place the desire for friends and the need to be within a community over your values and obedience to walking with God, you are more willing to compromise on what you value in your life and friendships.
Kelly Needham at the Gospel Coalition states:
“We must be content with fewer friends and seasonal friendships. Otherwise, while we run from one coffee date to another, we’ll lose the ability to see the lonely neighbor in the house next door or the struggling single mom at the store.”
The truth is some friends are there for just a season. Some people are only there to encourage and support you in times of need. Over the years, I have learned that friendships come in many different types of opportunities and circumstances. Meaningful friendships in one season can harm your spiritual growth in another. The idol of friendship will never produce a true covenant friend in your life.
What Is A True Friendship?
Good friendships are ones that are there through the difficult seasons in life. They are a source of comfort and a safe place to share what’s happening in your life, heart, mind, and spiritual walk. Close friends are the ones you have shared moments with. Building this type of friendship takes time, effort, and intention. Being a friend today requires a forgiving heart and showing up for each other.
“A friend loves at all times; and a brother is born for adversity. ” – Proverbs 17:17 (WEB)
According to Jill Henry at College Park Church, true Christian friendship is:
- Loving and sacrificial, even during a difficult time.
- True friends encourage one another.
- They speak the truth in love, even when it’s hard to hear.
- Christian friends forgive one another.
“A true friend encourages us, comforts us, supports us like a big easy chair, offering us a safe refuge from the world.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The blessing of genuine friendship is one built on the intentional, sacrificial, and compassion of a person who knows they need to be the one who commits to building true friendship.
“Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.” – Proverbs 27:17 (WEB)
How Can You Be A Good Friend?
“In order to have friends you must first be one.” – Elbert Hubbard
Everyone can admit they want friends, and friendship is important to their Christian walk. But are you ready to make the investment it takes to have the blessing of a genuine friendship?
Friendships are built on mutual respect. So, everything you do to build friendships must be done with respect in mind. This kind of friendship has the opportunity to grow and last. While respect is great, that’s not the only thing that builds a genuine friendship; there are other aspects, too.
“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Here are six ways to be a friend:
- Show kindness and respect.
- Be supportive.
- Communicate honestly.
- Show appreciation.
- Be reliable.
- Invest time.
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13 (WEB)
To be a friend, sacrificing personal time and space to show up can simply be laying down your life for that friend.
This scripture beautifully shows Jesus’s effort to be our friend. He was talking about friendship in John chapter 15, and this is what it looks like to be a friend. I think this shows how important friendship is to Jesus, and how our effort to build friendships matters.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn’t have another to lift him up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (WEB)
Friendship Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father,
You are my best friend. I can look to You when enduring trials or celebrating a triumph. You are the kindest One I know. I celebrate with You and weep with You. Your Word says two are better than one, and I am grateful to have You in my life.
Father, please help me to overcome any insecurity, trauma, or pain I have associated with making new friends and building lasting friendships. I am sorry for making the want and desire for many friends an idol in my life. I pray old friendships will heal and forgiveness will abound in my heart and theirs. Please restore the appropriate relationships that need to be restored and bring closure to those that are not for this season in my life.
Thank you for drawing me nearer to You and showing me the friendships that were out of season in my life. I am grateful for Your constant presence and for never leaving or forsaking me.
Holy Spirit, I ask for you to open doors and opportunities for me to meet new friends and build new friendships. Help me find the friend I need in this season of life, and help me be a good friend to those around me.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” – C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
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